Valentine’s Day Support For People Who Have Been in Narcissistic Relationships - Advice from a Therapist
How To Survive Valentine’s Day
When Valentine’s Day comes around, those in narcissistic relationships are left wondering, “What do I do?” Here’s the simple answer: Stop looking at the long-term and just do the next right thing. The next right thing will look different depending on where you are in the process. Here are my Valentine’s Day offerings for each stage of breaking up with a narcissist:
If you’re in a narcissistic relationship that you’re not ready to leave:
Narcissistic relationships are so damaging and painful. I can’t even imagine the suffering you’ve experienced, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through for so long. I also want to send a loving reminder that healthy relationships involve two people showing up for each other, and it is not your responsibility to fix the relationship if your partner won’t do the work. Your next right step is likely acceptance that your narcissistic partner is limited in their capacity for change and acceptance that you deserve better.
If you’re in a narcissistic relationship that you’re ready to leave:
I want to validate that this will absolutely be one of the hardest decisions of your life – both because of the backlash you’ll face from the narcissist, but also because this choice is proving to yourself that you’re good enough. Against all odds and despite that little voice inside that says you’re worthless, you are proving to yourself that you deserve better. Your next right step is the actual break-up itself. This is a step you will want to take in a way that causes the least damage or harm. Some people in narcissistic relationships need to physically remove themselves without telling the other person. Others break up in writing or verbally. Narcissists unleash rage, manipulation, and gaslighting galore during a break up, so please remember that your safety is the most important thing to prioritize.
If you’ve left a narcissistic relationship within the last year:
Valentine’s Day is one of the toughest milestones in the first year after breaking up with a narcissist. You may know people in long-term relationships who are celebrating their love and posting on Instagram. While they’re off enjoying each other’s company, you are spending time with allll of the feelings since the break-up. The relief. The grief. The guilt that you grieve a relationship that was abusive. The anger at the guilt because you know your feelings are valid. The resentment at the narcissistic person for ever coming into your life at all. The overwhelm from all of these feelings. It’s a lot. Your job is to be extra nice to yourself on Valentine’s Day. Order takeout. Pet your dog. Craft. Call a friend. Go for a walk.
If you left a narcissistic relationship over a year ago:
As you may already be experiencing, there’s good days and bad days. Over time, the good days will start to outweigh the bad ones. You’ll start to remember yourself as an independent, strong person. You may find someone new who loves you the way you deserve to be loved - with respect, kindness, and care. There will finally come a day when you realize you haven’t thought about the narcissistic relationship in a while. That moment will feel so liberating. You’ve done so much healing. I admire you so much for taking that initial step to break up and all the hard work you’ve done since then. Your next step is rebuilding a life outside of the narcissistic relationship, filled with people and opportunities that make you feel fulfilled.
Getting Started
Need more support? I’m Danielle, I offer support groups and individual coaching for adults healing after narcissistic relationships. Reach out for a free intro call to learn more.