How Radical Acceptance Helps You Heal From Narcissistic Relationships

Radical Acceptance is the best tool for healing from traumatic relationships with the worst branding. Let’s explore into why it’s so helpful and what so many people get wrong about it:

The misunderstandings make a lot of sense. Let’s say you’re looking for tools to cope with a narcissistic relationship and the therapist says:

“Maybe we can explore radical acceptance”

It sounds like the therapist is saying:

“What if you’re not being very accepting? Maybe you need to let it go or forgive them.”

And that’s frustrating because most people in toxic relationships have given too much of themselves already, and the last thing they need is advice about the hard work they should be putting into the relationship. Also, good news! That’s not what radical acceptance is.

Radical acceptance is a reckoning with reality. It’s not about being able to accept the abuse or “just deal with it”. It’s accepting what you can or cannot tolerate about the narcissistic relationship so you can do something about it. Here are your options:

1.     You can choose not to accept that the narcissist has limits beyond your control. You can stay in the relationship and keep fighting for or hoping that the other person will change.

2.     You can choose to accept that the narcissist has limits. You can put boundaries in place based on how you feel about those limits.

Reckoning with these options is important because, at a certain point, it’s on you to either stay in or leave the toxic situation. Of course this is tremendously difficult with most narcissistic relationships, especially if you’re dependent on a narcissist for basic resources - but it’s not impossible. There is hope that you can create a fulfilling life after narcissistic abuse.

Here are examples of boundaries you might set if you choose to radically accept the limits of the narcissistic person:

“I’m not staying in the room anymore if my narcissistic boyfriend raises his voice to me.”

“I’m going to cut off my mother because I accept that she will not change.”

Radical acceptance feels both liberating and disappointing because in order to accept someone else’s limitations you have to be able to grieve the loss of who you thought they were. But this practice also allows you to take your life back and move on.

Need more support? I’m Danielle, I’m a therapist & coach who specializes in helping clients heal from narcissistic relationships. Reach out for a free intro call to learn more about groups or individual counseling!